What if the armies of the Lord
Picked up and dusted off their swords
Vowed to set the captive free
And not let Satan have one more
What if the Church, for Heaven's sake
Finally stepped up to the plate
Took a stand upon God's promise
And stormed Hell's rusty gates
-Casting Crowns, What If His People Prayed?
The Fellowship of the Believers
They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.
-Acts 2: 42-47
Is the reason we're not seeing God working in miraculous ways because we're living in our own little world and (even worse) we're perfectly content with our small dreams that do not ever escape our own control? This section of Scripture continues to kick me squarely in the teeth. I can't even fathom what it would look like to see the Lord adding daily to those who were being saved. My vision of God and His people is too small, to a frightening degree.
I have this crazy vision in my head right now of walking down the street in some of the poorest areas of (insert big city here, most likely Houston) and going door-to-door asking the residents of these areas what it is that they need most. I feel like one of the biggest problems with helping people is that we don't ever know what they truly need. Is it something basic like food and shelter? Is it something more complex like job training or educational opportunity? More likely, it is a little bit of both. Yes, the idea of walking, in near complete defenselessness, down a rough and tumble neighborhood strikes my white, suburban, upper middle class sensibilities as a bit odd. And dangerous. But is that what it takes to find the needs of my city and meet them exactly where they are? If it is, then let me be dangerous, in the words of the late, great Jim Elliot:
“We are so utterly ordinary, so commonplace, while we profess to know a Power the Twentieth Century does not reckon with. But we are “harmless,” and therefore unharmed. We are spiritual pacifists, non-militants, conscientious objectors in this battle-to-the-death with principalities and powers in high places. Meekness must be had for contact with men, but brass, outspoken boldness is required to take part in the comradeship of the Cross. We are “sideliners” — coaching and criticizing the real wrestlers while content to sit by and leave the enemies of God unchallenged. The world cannot hate us, we are too much like its own. Oh that God would make us dangerous!”
-Jim Elliot
What an epic 2 days it has been in my thought life. So encouraging. Looking forward to the week in Houston and my next weekend in Denver. It's time to move. It's not time to just sit there.
Who's with me?
Monday, November 30, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Daydream Believer
"Cheer up, Sleepy Jean.
Oh, what can it mean.
To a daydream believer
And a homecoming queen."
Daydream Believer, The Monkees
I have so many of those days where everything just comes in a rush and nothing seems to have any order in the endless madness that is my typical day. Everything just sort of happens. I wake up and go about my day not seeing or understanding anything within a bigger picture than this individual day.
Today is not one of those days.
I'm fighting it even as I write this, but some things are just undeniable. Today has been no ordinary day. Most days, I cannot possibly identify a unifying theme or even handful of themes to capture the essence of the day. Today, it is simple: Daydream Believer.
It all started this morning on the way to Watermark (Dallas) for church. I drove my dad's Chrysler 300C the 30+ miles over to Watermark for worship. On the way, I flipped through the handful of decent radio stations in the Dallas area. On one particular Oldies station (KLUV, perhaps?), I caught an entire Monkees rendition of their famous hit, "Daydream Believer." On my list of dreamy songs, this probably ranks 1st, just ahead of the Lovin' Spoonful's "Daydream." I digress. I sang along, as I do with most any song that contains lyrics sufficiently interesting enough to catch my attention. The lyrics above really caught my attention because I am a dreamer almost to a fault. Maybe it's the escapism that appeals or the dissatisfaction with different parts of my life... or maybe it's just a healthy reminder from God that there is so much more to life than travel or work or fun or health or... dare I say it... church. My friend Daniel recently opined, after I expressed a lack of fulfillment at work one day, that maybe this was God allowing me to be dissatisfied not as a sign to switch jobs but as a way of only allowing me to be satisfied with Him alone. Nothing else. Maybe he has a point. I am quite happy with my employer, and the people I work with are the most intriguing group of talented professionals I've ever met. But there is still a deeper yearning in my heart that my job clearly cannot fulfill.
As I sang the song this morning, my semi-sour mood eased, and I got into the lyrics of the song a little. I am a daydream believer. I love to daydream, and I want so badly to believe that all of the things I daydream about will, in fact, come true at some point.
It is in this context that I received the message at Watermark today. I couldn't pin down exactly what the unifying theme to Todd's talk was today, but the part that struck me in the most profound way was this concept of the church being the hope of the world. Hope of the world. Hope. Of. The. World! Think about the weightiness of such a concept. Todd made a comment that if we think grace only relates to the grave, then you are not being the hope of the world. What does that mean? I am not being the hope of the world. God's grace is not eminating from everything I do. I leave God's grace at the cross and don't pay attention to it otherwise. He used John 10:7-10 as part of his overall illustration. I got the chance to ask myself whether I am the thief who steals life or someone who gives life by giving Jesus away through my thoughts, words, and deeds. I did not like the honest answer. Right now, when I don't get my way, I want people to know about it, and I want everyone to feel as miserable as I do. In fact, my life is so much about me right now that I literally found that it inhibited my ability to worship today with songs of praise to Jesus.
It was in this moment that I was moved to text a dear friend and be someone who encourages life (and to the full!) and examines things from a sense of optimism and forethought rather than be someone who saps life from others by being a brat.
Immediately following the worship service, I met my parents for brunch at Copeland's in Southlake's Town Square. We got around to talking about the difficulty some of the athletes have (like at any other big university) of staying eligible by passing 24 hours in a year. The thought that someone could lose eligibility because of their own lack of motivation or the poor quality of their prior schooling (or both) really irks me. It shouldn't have to be that way. I wish I could be there to tutor these student-athletes who need help making the transition from their easy high school curriculums to the rigors of a collegiate education with significantly raised standards.
Later in the afternoon, my family went to see "The Blind Side" in Grapevine. I was the only one who had previously seen the movie, and the anticipation factor was high (with good reason). I loved this movie the first time, yet the movie struck me in a much deeper and more meaningful way the second time because of how it intersected with my daydream day.
I was totally inspired by this movie the second time around. I relate to the Tuohy family in many ways because I too share a passion and interest in serving the underprivileged. I was really taken by this story because God has uniquely gifted me with a desire and passion for helping out middle school and high school kids.
The at-risk population, predominant in inner-city schools, is of such interest of me not because of any prevailing sense of "white guilt" or any need for some sort of "project" in order to make myself feel good. I legitimately think that we, as a society, do a huge disservice to our poor kids by consigning them to a lifetime of poor schools, low educational standards and free handouts. There are students within Dallas ISD right now whose reading level is on par with elementary school kids at more affluent districts. This is the unfortunate result of decades of lowered standards and monopoly control over our schools by a government that is convinced the solution is always a lack of money.
It isn't.
Maybe if we allowed some flexibility over which schools a student attends (in the former of expanded charter schools or voucher programs), the lower-performing schools would shape up. As it is, we have a crisis on our hands that is consigning our (mostly minority) inner-city schools to second class status. And programs like Teach for America can only do so much. That's why I want to help. I want to become a Big Brother or find another program like United Way's Bridging The Gap to get heavily involved in so that I can help stem the tide of poor juveniles ending up in prison. I'd much prefer they learn how to read, write, think and contribute to civil society. I just want them to see that someone loves them and that there is opportunity there for them to take. Like Michael Oher did.
I have this friend in Houston... The highminded, ambitious way she talks inspires me. I want to see it through. I want to see people our age learning God's Word not so it becomes head knowledge but because it has practical application in each of our lives. I want us trusting it enough to learn from it because we trust the Creator who put the words on those pages for all to read. Seeing the power in the God who wrote the Book, not the Book itself. Being a part of the city to serve those who most need the help and offering life in Jesus whenever and wherever we can. Doing something that feels so very uncomfortable that it makes us come alive in bold, passionate pursuit of the Christ we know and profess with our lips. I want to invite her and so many others into the adventure God is writing in my life this very moment. This is the week I want to be a part of the earthquake that disseminates from the epicenter of Christ working in Houston (and in Denver).
And so I just continue to dream, knowing that, as the movie states, there is simply nothing that is impossible with God. A dream that is not an escape; rather it is a way to flesh out the details of the very items God is laying on my heart right now. It is not the excuse for inaction; it is the prelude to the action.
Will you dream with me?
Oh, what can it mean.
To a daydream believer
And a homecoming queen."
Daydream Believer, The Monkees
I have so many of those days where everything just comes in a rush and nothing seems to have any order in the endless madness that is my typical day. Everything just sort of happens. I wake up and go about my day not seeing or understanding anything within a bigger picture than this individual day.
Today is not one of those days.
I'm fighting it even as I write this, but some things are just undeniable. Today has been no ordinary day. Most days, I cannot possibly identify a unifying theme or even handful of themes to capture the essence of the day. Today, it is simple: Daydream Believer.
It all started this morning on the way to Watermark (Dallas) for church. I drove my dad's Chrysler 300C the 30+ miles over to Watermark for worship. On the way, I flipped through the handful of decent radio stations in the Dallas area. On one particular Oldies station (KLUV, perhaps?), I caught an entire Monkees rendition of their famous hit, "Daydream Believer." On my list of dreamy songs, this probably ranks 1st, just ahead of the Lovin' Spoonful's "Daydream." I digress. I sang along, as I do with most any song that contains lyrics sufficiently interesting enough to catch my attention. The lyrics above really caught my attention because I am a dreamer almost to a fault. Maybe it's the escapism that appeals or the dissatisfaction with different parts of my life... or maybe it's just a healthy reminder from God that there is so much more to life than travel or work or fun or health or... dare I say it... church. My friend Daniel recently opined, after I expressed a lack of fulfillment at work one day, that maybe this was God allowing me to be dissatisfied not as a sign to switch jobs but as a way of only allowing me to be satisfied with Him alone. Nothing else. Maybe he has a point. I am quite happy with my employer, and the people I work with are the most intriguing group of talented professionals I've ever met. But there is still a deeper yearning in my heart that my job clearly cannot fulfill.
As I sang the song this morning, my semi-sour mood eased, and I got into the lyrics of the song a little. I am a daydream believer. I love to daydream, and I want so badly to believe that all of the things I daydream about will, in fact, come true at some point.
It is in this context that I received the message at Watermark today. I couldn't pin down exactly what the unifying theme to Todd's talk was today, but the part that struck me in the most profound way was this concept of the church being the hope of the world. Hope of the world. Hope. Of. The. World! Think about the weightiness of such a concept. Todd made a comment that if we think grace only relates to the grave, then you are not being the hope of the world. What does that mean? I am not being the hope of the world. God's grace is not eminating from everything I do. I leave God's grace at the cross and don't pay attention to it otherwise. He used John 10:7-10 as part of his overall illustration. I got the chance to ask myself whether I am the thief who steals life or someone who gives life by giving Jesus away through my thoughts, words, and deeds. I did not like the honest answer. Right now, when I don't get my way, I want people to know about it, and I want everyone to feel as miserable as I do. In fact, my life is so much about me right now that I literally found that it inhibited my ability to worship today with songs of praise to Jesus.
It was in this moment that I was moved to text a dear friend and be someone who encourages life (and to the full!) and examines things from a sense of optimism and forethought rather than be someone who saps life from others by being a brat.
Immediately following the worship service, I met my parents for brunch at Copeland's in Southlake's Town Square. We got around to talking about the difficulty some of the athletes have (like at any other big university) of staying eligible by passing 24 hours in a year. The thought that someone could lose eligibility because of their own lack of motivation or the poor quality of their prior schooling (or both) really irks me. It shouldn't have to be that way. I wish I could be there to tutor these student-athletes who need help making the transition from their easy high school curriculums to the rigors of a collegiate education with significantly raised standards.
Later in the afternoon, my family went to see "The Blind Side" in Grapevine. I was the only one who had previously seen the movie, and the anticipation factor was high (with good reason). I loved this movie the first time, yet the movie struck me in a much deeper and more meaningful way the second time because of how it intersected with my daydream day.
I was totally inspired by this movie the second time around. I relate to the Tuohy family in many ways because I too share a passion and interest in serving the underprivileged. I was really taken by this story because God has uniquely gifted me with a desire and passion for helping out middle school and high school kids.
The at-risk population, predominant in inner-city schools, is of such interest of me not because of any prevailing sense of "white guilt" or any need for some sort of "project" in order to make myself feel good. I legitimately think that we, as a society, do a huge disservice to our poor kids by consigning them to a lifetime of poor schools, low educational standards and free handouts. There are students within Dallas ISD right now whose reading level is on par with elementary school kids at more affluent districts. This is the unfortunate result of decades of lowered standards and monopoly control over our schools by a government that is convinced the solution is always a lack of money.
It isn't.
Maybe if we allowed some flexibility over which schools a student attends (in the former of expanded charter schools or voucher programs), the lower-performing schools would shape up. As it is, we have a crisis on our hands that is consigning our (mostly minority) inner-city schools to second class status. And programs like Teach for America can only do so much. That's why I want to help. I want to become a Big Brother or find another program like United Way's Bridging The Gap to get heavily involved in so that I can help stem the tide of poor juveniles ending up in prison. I'd much prefer they learn how to read, write, think and contribute to civil society. I just want them to see that someone loves them and that there is opportunity there for them to take. Like Michael Oher did.
I have this friend in Houston... The highminded, ambitious way she talks inspires me. I want to see it through. I want to see people our age learning God's Word not so it becomes head knowledge but because it has practical application in each of our lives. I want us trusting it enough to learn from it because we trust the Creator who put the words on those pages for all to read. Seeing the power in the God who wrote the Book, not the Book itself. Being a part of the city to serve those who most need the help and offering life in Jesus whenever and wherever we can. Doing something that feels so very uncomfortable that it makes us come alive in bold, passionate pursuit of the Christ we know and profess with our lips. I want to invite her and so many others into the adventure God is writing in my life this very moment. This is the week I want to be a part of the earthquake that disseminates from the epicenter of Christ working in Houston (and in Denver).
And so I just continue to dream, knowing that, as the movie states, there is simply nothing that is impossible with God. A dream that is not an escape; rather it is a way to flesh out the details of the very items God is laying on my heart right now. It is not the excuse for inaction; it is the prelude to the action.
Will you dream with me?
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Joy of the LORD is my Strength, part 3
It's hard to be consistent, even in just blogging for a week straight about joy in the Lord! Okay, here goes Day 3...
Since it's after 1 am, I will keep it fairly brief, but it won't do this day justice. Work today was absolutely miserable 75% of the time and pretty manageable 25% of the time. I'm just burnt out, plain and simple. Testing is not glorious, and when tempers flare unexpectedly with little reward from anywhere, I just feel a little bit like quitting. It just doesn't seem worth it. And I carried the baggage of my stressful day to my community group meeting tonight. I just wanted to curl up into a ball in my bed and sleep the rest of July 1st away.
That would have been an exceedingly dumb decision. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. Tonight, from about 8pm to 1am, has been nonstop amazing. These are the times when I truly love living in Denver. I can't imagine myself anywhere else right now. My community group friends are freakin' amazing, and it showed tonight. We had a deep discussion about community and what living life together really looks like in the context of the body of Christ. Next week, we'll continue unpacking our own stories for others to see, and I think it will be an awesome experience. But tonight was so refreshing to see a bunch of other people ready and willing to "throw in" with each other. As I think about the experience, what I loved about that time is that it didn't make me want to be any of the people in that room. I didn't want to be Kraig or Amanda or Daniel or Theo or anything else there. Talking with them drives me straight to the cross, where I find myself wanting to be Reed, a man after God's own heart like David. And that's where I saw and experienced joy in the Lord today.
I wanted to stay and hear all of the other stories of joy in our midst, but I had to run off to downtown to The Meadowlark to see David play in a band. That was its own fresh experience. This little tiny awesome venue served as the backdrop for some funky, uncut, very original music in the band he played with (Jonny Woodrose and the Broken Hearted Woodpeckers). It was also great to catch up with David and Emma after the show, a joy I haven't gotten to experience in a good many weeks.
Finally, my whole concert experience was that much more incredible by going to the concert with my new buddy Kevin. He's such an encouragement in his heart for the church and his overall love for the Lord. We had a good chat (that hopefully will continue soon) on Watermark and ministry in general. No matter whether he is with us for 1 month or 10 years, he should have a lot of good ideas for us as we continue to grow and reach out to the people around us.
An exhausting day/night, but one worth remembering!
Going to Dallas tomorrow! Very psyched!
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Joy of the LORD is my Strength, part 2
Today was not a day filled with adversity, but even the adversity that I experienced during testing today at work was a stern reminder that my joy was NOT resting in the Lord. Instead, I experienced a shallow happiness at times that was totally dependent upon the circumstance instead of rooted in the Rock, Jesus. And yet there were times today when I would look around at the stress on others' faces and just smile knowing that the burden of sin and performance is completely off of my shoulders. And so that has been my thought for the day: I am so susceptible to making my view of myself reflective of my employment, and yet God calls me to fight to allow Him to be my identity, the place where I find my joy and satisfaction.
As I read the email Michael sent to the men of our church today, my biggest takeaway was the subject line: FIGHT. It's certainly not a matter of just making the effort. God has to show up and do the work that allows us to be joyful in Him. But there are so many times when I just don't want to show up and fight for His joy. Not quite what God calls me to.
Right now, my joy in the Lord is best represented in the newfound zeal God has given me for two areas of service in our church: learning the light setup at our new location and training others, and also owning the church website edits. Such simple and seemingly mundane tasks are so much more exciting knowing that excelling them brings joy and glory to the Lord as I pursue them not as ends but as means to glorify the End Himself.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Joy of the LORD is my Strength, part 1
This week, our pastor (Michael Fleming), challenged everyone in our church to journal daily about how the "joy of the Lord is our strength" (Nehemiah 8:10).
Today, it feels easier than most days to comprehend how my joy comes from the Lord. It is not always so easy. Today, our church fasted from sunup to sundown as we had for the last few weeks on Mondays. One of my coworkers was a little taken aback that someone would do something like a fast, which was a good opportunity to explain how this is our way of focusing on the Lord, really seeking God's face as we seek to honor Him, and really allowing Him to be our central focus as He guides us through this next phase of becoming a full-fledged church (e.g. Sunday morning services).
Then, later on tonight, I reconnected with an old friend from Dallas who I haven't seen in some time but will hopefully see over July 4th. She described how she was trusting that God is growing her right now even in the midst of her struggles, but there seemed to be some frustration there in the way she talked as she described how she didn't understand it all. God really used this past week's sermon to full effect as I got to discuss Nehemiah 8 (joy of the Lord is our strength), as well as Romans 8:28 and Joshua 1. It was really awesome to be able to offer strength and calmness to this wonderful friend of mine, realizing full well that the strength I was offering was nothing of myself. It was all God's Word! Few passages of Scripture have been as influential upon my life as "be strong and courageous," which is throughout Joshua 1. Amazing. So my joy in the Lord today allowed me to be a blessing to a friend who needed those words straight from the Lord who loves us to the point of death on a cross. A Lord whose timing always seems right in hindsight, though sometimes not in the moment. A Lord who offers nothing less than Himself, saying "Take my yoke, for my burden is light."
Wait, why don't I trust Him with everything again?
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
The Struggle to be Authentic
Day by day, God reveals more and more to me how much of a war there is out there for our hearts. I can't stress it enough: the battle to be authentic is a fiery and costly one. And I don't even know what authenticity fully looks like. I have but a glimpse so far into Biblical authenticity. But I can assure you of at least one thing. This is not some peripheral skirmish to the warfront. This is a central front in the war effort. Authenticity is very costly. It is never easy. But it is always worth it.
I see this playing out in my life in many ways, but the best illustration of this is how I treat that tired, ordinary question of "How are you doing?" Now, people don't generally ask that expecting this long, drawn-out, torturous expression of the crap you just experienced last week, but that tired response of "I'm good" or "I'm fine" just comes out way too easily. I have become so used to one of those two phrases coming out of my mouth that it's like second nature these days. I hardly even think before saying them anymore. How much harder is it to really answer the question honestly?
Truthfully, it is a lot harder. Because if one says they are doing poorly (or even doing exceedingly well), that type of response requires further explanation. It requires further opening up of my life to the exploration of others. It requires effort, and I'm just not willing in many cases to make that effort. Whether it's fear of others rejecting me for not being perfect (which it is sometimes) or not caring about others enough to let them know more about me (which it can be as well) or whatever, it is so much easier to be short and trite and incomplete. That is what I mean when I say that authenticity is a major battle in the most important war I can see: the war to grow in godliness as we learn to trust the God who created us (and died for us) by allowing others to see us and encourage us and point out our blind spots that we would never see in a million years (or we see or just don't want to deal with).
I run with a group of folks who inspire me. Every time we're together talking about our lives, I'm personally challenged to make God a greater priority in my life and, ultimately, to fall more in love with Jesus. I don't want to hide. I want to be open about everything there is to know about me. And yet despite having an amazing group of folks around me, I still want to be hidden and lone and solitary. That is when I see how deeply in my flesh I want to hide and believe the lie that I'm better off struggling alone. That no one will understand me. That I'm different. That my struggle is weird and will bring shame upon me if I dare to reveal it.
And sometimes I worry that I'm sincerely captivated by Satan's lie that this life is better. Alone, afraid, secret, and, at least for the moment, "safe." The psychology of sin is really fascinating. Things we wouldn't believe about our friends we suddenly make our own. We wouldn't tell our friends to keep things bottled up. We wouldn't advise friends to close themselves off, to struggle alone. What we want in others, to open up and let their problems be known, to get help, is exactly the opposite of what we (me included) do in our personal lives. Does this make any sense at all? Not unless you understand the selfishness of yourself. The I-want-what-I-think-is-best-for-me-at-all-costs mentality. The deep, abiding relationship we have with sin. The love we have for that pet sin in our lives that may be tearing us up but is so much easier for us to manage and control (sort of) if others don't know about it.
Einstein once spoke of two infinite realities: the universe and human stupidity. One seriously wonders if we understand that human sinfulness is of infinite capacity. Which is why infinite sinfulness of mankind required an infinite sacrifice (Jesus) to properly deal with it, now and for all eternity.
May we better contemplate today the cross in light of the natural inclinations of our hearts away from God, toward sin, and ultimately away from the authenticity we are claim we crave. Is today the day we need to come clean, to reflect on our need for God, and approach someone close and ask for their help (and God's) in battling some terribly deep and secret struggle in our lives? For me, that process has begun, but it is far from completion, and I am still not nearly as authentic about my struggles as I wish I were. I like being king of my own domain. It is a struggle to allow Christ's Lordship to permeate every aspect of my life. A struggle I can't win on my own. A struggle I need God to participate in. I'm like the lone guy standing on one side playing tug-of-war against a dozen world-class bodybuilders. I don't stand a chance. But then God shows up, and suddenly the bodybuilders don't have the strength and fortitude to overcome God and me. Or God alone for that matter.
God, I need your strength and your Spirit just to approach your throne and seek you further. May tomorrow be a day where I intentionally seek you and grow closer to you. Every day I distance myself from God or I grow closer to Him. It's my choice and God's power. And that's the best partnership one could ask for.
I see this playing out in my life in many ways, but the best illustration of this is how I treat that tired, ordinary question of "How are you doing?" Now, people don't generally ask that expecting this long, drawn-out, torturous expression of the crap you just experienced last week, but that tired response of "I'm good" or "I'm fine" just comes out way too easily. I have become so used to one of those two phrases coming out of my mouth that it's like second nature these days. I hardly even think before saying them anymore. How much harder is it to really answer the question honestly?
Truthfully, it is a lot harder. Because if one says they are doing poorly (or even doing exceedingly well), that type of response requires further explanation. It requires further opening up of my life to the exploration of others. It requires effort, and I'm just not willing in many cases to make that effort. Whether it's fear of others rejecting me for not being perfect (which it is sometimes) or not caring about others enough to let them know more about me (which it can be as well) or whatever, it is so much easier to be short and trite and incomplete. That is what I mean when I say that authenticity is a major battle in the most important war I can see: the war to grow in godliness as we learn to trust the God who created us (and died for us) by allowing others to see us and encourage us and point out our blind spots that we would never see in a million years (or we see or just don't want to deal with).
I run with a group of folks who inspire me. Every time we're together talking about our lives, I'm personally challenged to make God a greater priority in my life and, ultimately, to fall more in love with Jesus. I don't want to hide. I want to be open about everything there is to know about me. And yet despite having an amazing group of folks around me, I still want to be hidden and lone and solitary. That is when I see how deeply in my flesh I want to hide and believe the lie that I'm better off struggling alone. That no one will understand me. That I'm different. That my struggle is weird and will bring shame upon me if I dare to reveal it.
And sometimes I worry that I'm sincerely captivated by Satan's lie that this life is better. Alone, afraid, secret, and, at least for the moment, "safe." The psychology of sin is really fascinating. Things we wouldn't believe about our friends we suddenly make our own. We wouldn't tell our friends to keep things bottled up. We wouldn't advise friends to close themselves off, to struggle alone. What we want in others, to open up and let their problems be known, to get help, is exactly the opposite of what we (me included) do in our personal lives. Does this make any sense at all? Not unless you understand the selfishness of yourself. The I-want-what-I-think-is-best-for-me-at-all-costs mentality. The deep, abiding relationship we have with sin. The love we have for that pet sin in our lives that may be tearing us up but is so much easier for us to manage and control (sort of) if others don't know about it.
Einstein once spoke of two infinite realities: the universe and human stupidity. One seriously wonders if we understand that human sinfulness is of infinite capacity. Which is why infinite sinfulness of mankind required an infinite sacrifice (Jesus) to properly deal with it, now and for all eternity.
May we better contemplate today the cross in light of the natural inclinations of our hearts away from God, toward sin, and ultimately away from the authenticity we are claim we crave. Is today the day we need to come clean, to reflect on our need for God, and approach someone close and ask for their help (and God's) in battling some terribly deep and secret struggle in our lives? For me, that process has begun, but it is far from completion, and I am still not nearly as authentic about my struggles as I wish I were. I like being king of my own domain. It is a struggle to allow Christ's Lordship to permeate every aspect of my life. A struggle I can't win on my own. A struggle I need God to participate in. I'm like the lone guy standing on one side playing tug-of-war against a dozen world-class bodybuilders. I don't stand a chance. But then God shows up, and suddenly the bodybuilders don't have the strength and fortitude to overcome God and me. Or God alone for that matter.
God, I need your strength and your Spirit just to approach your throne and seek you further. May tomorrow be a day where I intentionally seek you and grow closer to you. Every day I distance myself from God or I grow closer to Him. It's my choice and God's power. And that's the best partnership one could ask for.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Game night
Last night, our church community group had an awesome game night. It actually ended up being more "stand-around-and-talk night" or "watch-Lost" night than "game night". Which was totally fine with me. I have the best group of friends here in Denver, who I get to share all aspects of life with. And last night was a good reminder of that. We focus often on struggles and challenges in our lives, but last night was all about fellowship and enjoying each others' company, as well as sharing the joys of life together. It was awesome. I love all of you, and you are such a blessing from God.
Thanks to Tiffany for opening up her home and offering snacks and drinks.
The one game we did play was Taboo. Too many funny moments. Rolling on the floor laughing virtually the entire time we played. Amazing.
P.S. I was reminded last night just how competitive I can get. A little too competitive. Thankfully I have forgiving friends who remind me that it's just a game. Sorta. ;)
Thanks to Tiffany for opening up her home and offering snacks and drinks.
The one game we did play was Taboo. Too many funny moments. Rolling on the floor laughing virtually the entire time we played. Amazing.
P.S. I was reminded last night just how competitive I can get. A little too competitive. Thankfully I have forgiving friends who remind me that it's just a game. Sorta. ;)
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Submission
I have a feeling I'm going to learn a lot about submission over the next weeks weeks, if only I am faithful to what God has laid on my heart the last couple of days. You see, I'm always out looking for the next amazing girl in my life. It's exhausting. Believe me.
So I'm trying a different approach. I've gotten back into reading I Kissed Dating Goodbye, and it is giving me a renewed perspective on what relationships (friendly and romantic) should look like when they are God-directed. It's amazing how revolutionary the notion of looking out for the best interests of others can be when you've been approaching relationships with selfish motives and intentions lately, as I have.
While I can't give a lot of specifics, I will say this: In the past few weeks, God has used a new friend and a couple of old friends to challenge me to put my own personal ambitions aside for the greater good of my friends. It's not going to be easy. But I can see how awesomely God has brought my old friends into this picture to remind me of Him and help me to see how God's will can be accomplished by me setting aside my personal motives in this moment. I wish I could give more specifics, but it would be totally inappropriate to divulge too much.
Now my challenge is to: a) challenge my old friends to build a relationship with our new mutual friend, b) maintain proper boundaries and actions at all times, c) be a true friend, seeking the good of others above my own.
Stay tuned.
So I'm trying a different approach. I've gotten back into reading I Kissed Dating Goodbye, and it is giving me a renewed perspective on what relationships (friendly and romantic) should look like when they are God-directed. It's amazing how revolutionary the notion of looking out for the best interests of others can be when you've been approaching relationships with selfish motives and intentions lately, as I have.
While I can't give a lot of specifics, I will say this: In the past few weeks, God has used a new friend and a couple of old friends to challenge me to put my own personal ambitions aside for the greater good of my friends. It's not going to be easy. But I can see how awesomely God has brought my old friends into this picture to remind me of Him and help me to see how God's will can be accomplished by me setting aside my personal motives in this moment. I wish I could give more specifics, but it would be totally inappropriate to divulge too much.
Now my challenge is to: a) challenge my old friends to build a relationship with our new mutual friend, b) maintain proper boundaries and actions at all times, c) be a true friend, seeking the good of others above my own.
Stay tuned.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Having a Heart for the Local Church
It's really amazing how God gifts different people in different ways to accomplish His purposes. And I started thinking of 1 Corinthians 12:29-30. Imagine if God had made us all preachers. There would be no one to run the church as an administrator. If there were only administrators in the church, there would be no one to preach God's word. If there were no people called as missionaries, the word of God would not be preached to all nations (though God does not need us to spread His message). So it simply amazes me tonight that I am so consciously aware of where my passion and giftedness is as it relates to the church.
I have quite a few friends who are of the type that they would drop everything at a moment's notice to take nothing with them and travel to a foreign (maybe even hostile) country to spread God's word in the traditional sense of the word 'missionary'. I love them all, and I think that's totally awesome, but God has not placed that desire in my heart, at least not at this point. I have too much of a passion for the local church here in America to start thinking of elsewhere.
I continue to see, through individual examples and general movements within America, that America is distancing itself in many ways from God and His teachings. Whether its on abortion or gay marriage or just on being a superficial Christian fake, it seems we all just want to take little samples of Christ and leave significant chunks of the Gospel behind. And as I see this play out, I also see many local churches getting unintentionally caught up in church business, committee meetings, and administrative tasks without going out and changing the city around them. This is where Chris Tomlin's "God of this City" is so powerful. God really is interested in this nation, this state, this town, and each and every one of us in this town. He isn't just focused on the broken and the hurting in far-off places who don't know Him. Those people are just as important, but I hope we never lose focus of the hurt and the pain that is going on at home. And this is where I see God really moving within my own heart.
I talked this evening with a good friend I met in Bridge City nearly 2 years ago. As we talked about where the city and church has gone since I worked a summer at St Paul UMC in the summer of 2007, I just feel God giving me this amazing empathy for this little small town I love so much. Absence truly makes the heart grow fonder. There are so many young adults there I got to know so well over that one summer, and I only get to hear bits and pieces of their lives at a time (and its always secondhand), and I feel totally out of the loop in their lives. The saddest/most exciting thing is that so many of them graduate this year and have so much craziness ahead of them. I can't wait to hear about it, but I wish I could be there to celebrate and to enjoy life with them. And this is where I find my heart and my desire for the local church. I see so many opportunities for spiritual growth and for evangelism that go unheard and unexploited as God just floods my mind with ideas. It's an amazing stream of consciousness He has going on right now. I'm totally in flux right now trying to figure out where the Spirit will lead this, but I'm totally stoked right now that I'm even here, blissfully lost in God's provision.
I wish I could explain it better, more clearly, less vaguely. But I am trying to make out the whole picture as we speak. I can't wait to see where it leads, but I'm trusting that God will take it to fruition when it is time. I'll be in Bridge City (hopefully) before very long, and I will especially be there in the summer when graduation happens. Can't wait!
I seriously cannot fathom the love of God at this moment because my heart is overflowing like rarely before with absolute, unrelenting love for my youth in Bridge City, Texas. And yet I know it is but a shadow, but a hazy copy, but a small fraction of the everlasting love of God.
Amazing love, how can it be? That you my King would die for me... Man I love that song. It draws me nearer to God whenever I hear it. God, you are the "light that's leading me." I have chosen so many times to put 'idols' before you, whether they be other guys I respect, women I adore, professional success, financial gain or personal desires. Lord, throw them aside. How can I stand here and not be moved by You? You are my light, my life, my very Strength in the depths of my soul. The last few weeks have tested me to the core. I have not rested in Your peace, Lord. I confess that I have been tested and found wanting. But you have remained faithful. You brought me a strong believer to counsel me, to coach me, to remind me that You are in control, that You have my best at heart, that You take care of me even that much more than the sparrows. I find myself coming to you with nothing to offer You that you do not already have, and yet I see Your beautiful smile as You say "That's exactly my point." You show me Your approval and Your acceptance, in spite of it all. You call me Your son. And it is good, even in a world full of hurt, pain and destruction. Because You are above it all. You have a plan for it all. You are here to redeem it. You don't get overwhelmed as I do. You don't despair as I do. You grieve for the world as I do, but on a scale I could never understand. Your sovereignty blows way past me. How could it be like this Lord? Help me to fall on my knees, seek Your face, love You and Your people, and be motivated to display You for a waiting and watching world, Lord. Use me. Send me. Open my heart to the broken, the hurt, the needy. Remind me each day that just because a person wears a suit and tie and lives an expensive lifestyle does NOT mean that person isn't broken or hurt or needy. Move in my life to help me love You more. I have seen the depths of myself, and I need You to work to be satisfied in You. I can't magically change it. I don't have that power. You do. God, may the local church be uplifted this day and be the light that You designed it to be, a light that is not hid but is shown to a waiting community, a waiting world.
I have quite a few friends who are of the type that they would drop everything at a moment's notice to take nothing with them and travel to a foreign (maybe even hostile) country to spread God's word in the traditional sense of the word 'missionary'. I love them all, and I think that's totally awesome, but God has not placed that desire in my heart, at least not at this point. I have too much of a passion for the local church here in America to start thinking of elsewhere.
I continue to see, through individual examples and general movements within America, that America is distancing itself in many ways from God and His teachings. Whether its on abortion or gay marriage or just on being a superficial Christian fake, it seems we all just want to take little samples of Christ and leave significant chunks of the Gospel behind. And as I see this play out, I also see many local churches getting unintentionally caught up in church business, committee meetings, and administrative tasks without going out and changing the city around them. This is where Chris Tomlin's "God of this City" is so powerful. God really is interested in this nation, this state, this town, and each and every one of us in this town. He isn't just focused on the broken and the hurting in far-off places who don't know Him. Those people are just as important, but I hope we never lose focus of the hurt and the pain that is going on at home. And this is where I see God really moving within my own heart.
I talked this evening with a good friend I met in Bridge City nearly 2 years ago. As we talked about where the city and church has gone since I worked a summer at St Paul UMC in the summer of 2007, I just feel God giving me this amazing empathy for this little small town I love so much. Absence truly makes the heart grow fonder. There are so many young adults there I got to know so well over that one summer, and I only get to hear bits and pieces of their lives at a time (and its always secondhand), and I feel totally out of the loop in their lives. The saddest/most exciting thing is that so many of them graduate this year and have so much craziness ahead of them. I can't wait to hear about it, but I wish I could be there to celebrate and to enjoy life with them. And this is where I find my heart and my desire for the local church. I see so many opportunities for spiritual growth and for evangelism that go unheard and unexploited as God just floods my mind with ideas. It's an amazing stream of consciousness He has going on right now. I'm totally in flux right now trying to figure out where the Spirit will lead this, but I'm totally stoked right now that I'm even here, blissfully lost in God's provision.
I wish I could explain it better, more clearly, less vaguely. But I am trying to make out the whole picture as we speak. I can't wait to see where it leads, but I'm trusting that God will take it to fruition when it is time. I'll be in Bridge City (hopefully) before very long, and I will especially be there in the summer when graduation happens. Can't wait!
I seriously cannot fathom the love of God at this moment because my heart is overflowing like rarely before with absolute, unrelenting love for my youth in Bridge City, Texas. And yet I know it is but a shadow, but a hazy copy, but a small fraction of the everlasting love of God.
Amazing love, how can it be? That you my King would die for me... Man I love that song. It draws me nearer to God whenever I hear it. God, you are the "light that's leading me." I have chosen so many times to put 'idols' before you, whether they be other guys I respect, women I adore, professional success, financial gain or personal desires. Lord, throw them aside. How can I stand here and not be moved by You? You are my light, my life, my very Strength in the depths of my soul. The last few weeks have tested me to the core. I have not rested in Your peace, Lord. I confess that I have been tested and found wanting. But you have remained faithful. You brought me a strong believer to counsel me, to coach me, to remind me that You are in control, that You have my best at heart, that You take care of me even that much more than the sparrows. I find myself coming to you with nothing to offer You that you do not already have, and yet I see Your beautiful smile as You say "That's exactly my point." You show me Your approval and Your acceptance, in spite of it all. You call me Your son. And it is good, even in a world full of hurt, pain and destruction. Because You are above it all. You have a plan for it all. You are here to redeem it. You don't get overwhelmed as I do. You don't despair as I do. You grieve for the world as I do, but on a scale I could never understand. Your sovereignty blows way past me. How could it be like this Lord? Help me to fall on my knees, seek Your face, love You and Your people, and be motivated to display You for a waiting and watching world, Lord. Use me. Send me. Open my heart to the broken, the hurt, the needy. Remind me each day that just because a person wears a suit and tie and lives an expensive lifestyle does NOT mean that person isn't broken or hurt or needy. Move in my life to help me love You more. I have seen the depths of myself, and I need You to work to be satisfied in You. I can't magically change it. I don't have that power. You do. God, may the local church be uplifted this day and be the light that You designed it to be, a light that is not hid but is shown to a waiting community, a waiting world.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)