While I was laying down to sleep Saturday night after all the excitement of apartment hunting, I had this revelation about why exactly I am going to Denver and what the Lord's purpose is for sending me here. Let me explain a little further.
As soon as I heard that Dallas and Houston weren't available options with Accenture, my inquisitive mind began to ask why. I wanted to know why I was being asked to move away from anywhere that seemed remotely normal or stable to me. Instead, my options were all across the West Coast and North. I didn't ask Accenture. I knew they were full. That was a simple answer. I was wondering what God's purpose was in sending me there. As with most things, I ask and God answers in His own time. And this is no different.
It would be hard to know exactly when I knew I was supposed to be in Denver. Perhaps it was the first time I dreamed of Denver and my heart started racing so fast it nearly leapt from my chest. I have discovered over the past few years that what I love to do and what I am gifted at doing are often related. It makes total sense. Why would God gift someone in an area and not give them the heart to take advantage of those gifts? So I took it as an indication that this was the right decision that I was so totally overjoyed about moving to Denver.
Then I really got my assurance from the Lord. That came the moment the High School director at Watermark Dallas told me he thought Michael Fleming might be leading a group of families to plant a church in Denver. I had been worried a little the few weeks before that because I had no idea where I would call home, spiritually speaking. I knew it would work out, but I wanted more sure, clear answers. And God provided the emphatic answer with Watermark Denver. That is truly when I began to get it.
Secretly, I had dreamt for years (since I started attending Watermark in Dallas) of what it would be like to get to serve at a church that was just beginning. I was so jealous of the 8 families who started Watermark and got to see it grow to the incredible size it is today! I wanted that. And now I get to be in "on the ground floor" at Watermark Denver! Talk about an answered prayer... 2 years later.
Now that I've covered how the Lord has provided Godly people to challenge, equip and encourage me through this new venture known as Watermark Denver, let me explain how the Lord is leaving me exposed without a safety net in a way that I hope will bring tremendous growth in the next few years.
I am a people-pleaser. I like to keep people happy. It makes me feel better about myself. It even (sadly) makes me lie sometimes hoping no one will ever find out the truth of my errors. I simply want to be liked. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be liked, but I take it to an extreme.
I don't share the Gospel with my unreached friends because I worry too much of their opinion of me. I don't live every minute for the Lord because I want to make the joke or drink the drink that will let me fit in with the unchurched world. And I haven't become nearly as independent of my parents as I should be.
I have a deep, pressing need to be considered successful by my parents. Built over a number of years, this desire has led me to defer to them on nearly every decision, and certainly the major ones. By making the decision, I feel like I am taking too much a risk of failing, and I don't want to take that chance. Sad, isn't it?
I love my parents very much, but at the end of the day, I am going to have to learn better how to make my own decisions, plan for my own future, and maybe even fail and recover from failure. And that is exactly why I am overjoyed to leave Dallas and go to Denver. It's not like I'm overjoyed to leave Dallas, my parents, my friends, and everything I've ever known (besides Bridge City haha). But I know I must. I must, I must, I must!
I must learn to be a leader, have courage, and make the tough decisions in life. I certainly will need these things if I ever want to advance my career at Accenture. And the ability to independently (though with counsel, of course) make decisions and take action is critically important in my personal life as well. And that is why God made it abundantly clear to me that this is my Wilderness Experience.
What do I mean by Wilderness Experience? By calling my time in Denver a Wilderness Experience, I am drawing from Matthew 4 and Luke 5. I feel a little like Jesus must have felt in these couple of instances. I am alone in a wilderness (Denver), without any close friends or relatives to catch me if I fall. And I could not think of a better place to be. Why? Because, just like Jesus, I have to rely on God to get me through my trials. I am looking forward to a great deal of growth because I have the opportunity to understand truly what it means to follow God and to rely on His Spirit for life.
By the way, that is where the similarities between me and Jesus end. He is God, and I am not. But I think our situations aren't so different. If you remember Matthew 4 (I once wrote an article solely focused on the temptation of Jesus in Matthew 4, and consequently it is just about the only whole chapter of the Bible I understand the context of), the opening portion of the chapter deals with Jesus' time in the wilderness prior to His main ministry.
Jesus spends 40 days and 40 nights without food, and is then tempted by Satan. First, he is tempted to turn stones into bread. Basically, Satan is tempting Jesus to rely on Himself rather than God the Father for sustenance. Then Jesus is tempted to test God. Finally, He is tempted by Satan to worship Satan in exchange for power.
In some way, I am going to be faced with the same challenges.
Having to live on a budget of my own money for the first time will challenge me to compromise my own priorities and beliefs to make sure I don't end up on the street without any money. I love Proverbs 23:4, which says, "Do not wear yourself out to get rich; have the wisdom to show restraint." I know that I can be incredibly stingy with my own money. That is good when you're trying to save, but I have to guard against becoming so consumed with accumulating money that I miss out on life outside of work, like serving in the church, or making lasting friendships, or having fun.
Secondly, I will be tempted to test God all the time when I have no one to rely on but Him in a new city. Testing God allows Satan to twist the rules to convince me that God isn't coming through for me in my life, eroding my trust in His provision. Not something I want when God is my Wonderful Counselor (Isaiah 9:6).
Finally, I will definitely face the temptation of power, as Jesus did in His 3rd trial. Accenture is a major company (170,000+ employees). They work with the best and brightest companies. The question is: When those situations come along where the moral choice and the choice that advances my career aren't one and the same, which will I choose? Will I choose the right choice, or will I give up something or bow down to something in order to advance my career? What is really important to me, God or this high-class, well-paying job? As Jesus was asked to bow down to Satan in order to gain everything (though it was all His already haha), I will be asked to give up something in return for my own personal gain. These are the sorts of questions and temptations I'm going to face, and I have to be ready.
There is one other reason I look at this as a Wilderness Experience. Luke 5:16 says, "Yet Jesus himself frequently withdrew to the wilderness and prayed." The NIV translation explains it even more in terms that relate to me right now: "But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed." By going to Denver, I am withdrawing to a lonely place as well.
I heard it said once that Jesus withdrawing frequently to the wilderness to pray was central to His ministry. And I couldn't agree more. Jesus needed intimate, private fellowship with the Father in order to sustain Himself for the battles, trials, and persecutions He faced. Made in the image of God, I am no different. In order to truly have Life, I must also have plenty of intimate fellowship with God in order to become a more fully-devoted follower of Christ.
I simply cannot get that sort of fellowship and change in Dallas. I realized when I went to Bridge City how trapped I had been in Dallas. In Bridge City, I felt completely free to be a strong leader and role model for others. While I am in Dallas, I always feel as though I'm around someone who expects me to act a certain way. Its as if I've become even more of what people expect of me. I don't feel like I can as easily become a leader in Dallas because I'm not expected to be one here. I need to go away for awhile to somewhere where I'm not stereotyped to death as the nice guy who does what he's told and doesn't ask question. Only there, in Denver, can I truly withdraw to pray to God, seek His face, and watch Him make me into something greater than I currently am. Perhaps then I can return to Dallas far greater than I was when I left, and people will really take notice.
Looking forward to my time wandering in the wilderness of Denver with God as my Tour Guide,
Reed
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